Jo+Ann's+Takeaways

Please add notes that you took today during Jo Ann Freiberg's talk.

It is so important that we get rid of language that does not help our schools move forward in our quest to create healthy environments for our students.

Bullying is everywhere so it is nowhere. The toxicity of the word bullying dooms our ability to do anything about it. No one will own up to it, not a student who is a bully, not a school, not the parents of the bully. The only people who want the label of bullying are the target's family. We can own mean but we can't own bullying. Her strongest recommendation is that the school change the language around how they talk about acts of meanness. The term is detrimental to doing something about the problem. It's about abuses of power in the school setting. Not all definitions say that it involves acts of abuse repeated over time. The point is to create safe spaces for children. "If it's mean, intervene." Everyone knows and understands what mean is. If it's mean, then address it. Take the word bullying out of all the school literature.

We need to help schools get where they need to go rather than focusing on behaviors that need to be extinguished.

If it’s mean, intervene. Mean is the gateway to bullying. Teach kids what mean looks like, sounds like, and feels like. Teach them to self advocate.

Two characteristics shared by the cases reported in CT:

1) The children who are targeted have some kind of //difference//. The three biggest categories of difference are children with identified special needs (IEPs, 504s), gender nonconforming children/perceived homosexuality, and weight issues.

2) Wide disparities between families’ and school administrators’ perceptions of events and follow-up actions

__Five characteristics shared by kids who were rampage school shooters:__ 1) - Subjected to horrific, ongoing, mean-spirited peer (and sometimes adult) cruelty for weeks, months, years; specifically, most if not all were targets of homophobic slurs. 2) - None of them had a caring, connected adult that they perceived as a go-to person – someone they felt they had access to, that they could go to and the person would do something 3) - All had layers of personal issues; some internal (depression, anxiety, shyness); weight; family-related (abuse, violence, neglect, pawn in nasty divorce, shuffled among foster homes) (many had both personal/family) 4) - All could get their hands on guns 5) - All of them went to schools in which the culture was not accepting of difference, & they felt outside of those boundaries


 * We in schools have control over 3 out of 5 of these issues**

__Five measures that, together, determine social, emotional, and academic success:__ - Are kids close to people at school? It’s essential that every child has connections with adults. Peers matter too, but an adult you can go to is key. - Are kids happy to be at school? Do they want to be there, see it as a destination? (“Kids go to school for one reason: to see their friends.”) - Do kids feel a part of the school? (Structures like required sports, required joint studying can create that feeling.) (//Note: Required sports can end up making kids who are not athletic feel marginalized, if they are not fully inclusive. Consider alternatives like yoga & fitness.)// - Do kids feel as though teachers – and by extension, all adults – treat you fairly? (Fairness and “the same” are not equivalent.) - Do kids feel safe-- physically, emotionally, intellectually?

Kids who are highly connected to school do not experience emotional distress; they don’t do drugs, engage in risky sex, or engage in deviant behavior (including treating others badly).